Listen up, Young Conservatives! The Curmudgeon’s Guide is late! I’m sorry! There’s no excuse! Well, yes there is, but you don’t to hear it! Plus, I seem to be incapable of ending my sentences with anything but exclamation points! Sorry!
Really, I am. There, that’s better. I certainly don’t want to sound hysterical, especially since this is only a primary election coming up next Tuesday. But there are a couple of important things that you Young Conservatives need to understand before then.
First of all: we’re voting on a U. S. Senator this election. Did you know that? I certainly didn’t. Somehow or other, perhaps because Uncle Woody has effectively boycotted every single newscast that isn’t internet based for about the last five years, it came time to attempt to crowbar old Dianne Feinstein out of her Senate office, and Uncle Woody knew absolutely nothing about it.
It wasn’t until Uncle Woody picked up his copy of the Sample Ballot (at newsstands now!) that he suddenly understood that we were supposed to be voting for a Republican to run against Feinstein in what will almost certainly be a futile effort to dislodge her. Because like most objects that cause us to choke, expelling the offending object takes careful training, and one humongous abdominal thrust. California, unfortunately, is far too mellow around the coastal areas to effectively do more than a polite hiccup, so it is highly unlikely that Feinstein will ultimately be dislodged.
Still, we have a duty, Young Conservatives, and duty dictates that we must try.
Also, we have ballot propositions. Ballot propositions, Young Conservatives, were supposed to be an attempt to get the voters more directly involved in state legislative activities. You’re too young to remember this, but there was a time in this state when we elected people to serve as assemblypersons or state senators, then got them out of our hair for a few years at a time, during which they were supposed to, I don’t know, pass laws or something. But as the gulf between Democrats and Republicans has widened so that pretty much whatever one party proposes the other party will just automatically vote against, they introduced the ballot initiative process as an end-run game to get around each other, and dupe the people into enacting their favorite reforms for them.
So here are Uncle Woody’s ballot recommendations for this election:
Proposition 28 – Limits on Legislators’ Terms in Office. Initiative Constitutional Amendment.
Oh, here we go again. I have to admit I was all in favor of shortening the amount of time any given legislator could serve in office back when we did this several years ago. Seemed like a good idea at the time. Since then, however, I have detected no discernible difference in the quality or quantity of legislation produced by either the assembly or the senate in the intervening years. If anything, legislation produced by the California legislature as measured in Pounds per Law Enacted has increased until our California legal code is nearly has heavy as the IRS tax code, and nowhere near as efficient.
Uncle Woody recommends NO on Proposition 28. 12 years is barely enough time for most of them to learn where the lavatories are in the Capitol building.
Proposition 29 – Imposes Additional Tax on Cigarettes for Cancer Research. Initiative Statute.
You Young Conservatives should by now remember that Uncle Woody tends to vote as much with his wallet as with his clear and incisive insight. This proposition is no different. Uncle Woody is no friend of the tobacco companies, by any means, but this proposition is nothing more than a thinly disguised attempt to get Californians to pay for whatever mentally deficient and morally reprehensible pet project for which whomever is holding the state’s purse-strings needs the money. There are no guarantees – NONE – that any of this money will make it into any cancer research project anywhere, and most certainly not in the state of California.
Uncle Woody recommends NO on Proposition 29, warts and all. If folks are bent on easing their consciences with respect to cancer research, they should really just stop smoking first.
President of the United States
Hey, Uncle Woody believes you should just vote your heart, head, or wallet on this one, Young Conservatives, because, as usual, IT WON’T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE. Romney has the nomination locked up, no questions asked, and is the presumptive choice for taking on Obama. In point of fact, he’s pretty much been running that way since, what, February? Whereas Obama has not quit running for office since 2006.
United States Senator
Once I got over the shock that it was time for another round of Get Rid of One of The Entrenched Dem Senators, I decided to look around and see who the Republicans were running this year. There are no fewer than thirteen names on the ballot who claim Republican affiliation this election, but only one can go up against Feinstein (who actually has four challenges on the Democrat side of things) in November. So, after checking with the California GOP web site (motto: “Think We Should Tell Anyone We Have a Candidate for Senate This Time?”), the name Elizabeth Emken came up. Seems she’s the “official” candidate of the California GOP. She may live to regret that. I know nothing about her aside from what her web site indicates, but, hey. More power to her.
There you have it, Young Conservatives. Another cutting-edge commentary from one of the most ignored political watchdogs on the internet today. But do, please, remember to vote next Tuesday.
It really is important.